Inspiration

I love music. And it is such an important part of my life. I am inspired by it and there are certain songs that just touch me. I also love that songs can have a different meaning to different people, depending on where you are at on your path. I'm sure most of you can relate.

There is this one song that I have been listening to over and over and over since the separation. It's called "Oceans" by Hillsong UNITED. There is so much about this song that has struck me and encouraged me, but the overall meaning has been my inspiration. I want to trust God with everything in me, even {and especially} when I don't know the outcome. Right now I just feel like I am out on the water and when I look at my surroundings I feel completely overwhelmed. Although God doesn't want me to be in this situation, He has called me to it and is not going to leave me stranded. When I am out on the water the only thing I can do is keep my eyes on Him because as soon as I look away I sink. I feel overwhelmed with life and out of control.  And when I look at Him and call upon His name, I know that my faith is being made stronger. I am learning to trust God with everything I have for the first time in my life. I am blessed that I was raised in a Christian home and have been filled with faith. But it isn't until now that I am fully surrendering and trusting. Well I'm trying to. It's a process. Check out these lyrics. They are so incredibly powerful.

"Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)"

You call me out upon the waters

The great unknown where feet may fail

And there I find You in the mystery

In oceans deep

My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters

Your sovereign hand

Will be my guide

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me

You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

[6x]

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your name

Keep my eyes above the waves

My soul will rest in Your embrace

I am Yours and You are mine

The other song that I love the words to is "Glorious Unfolding" by Steven Curtis Chapman. This guy has been around my whole life - but still has some powerful lyrics. I met a friend the other day and fully believe that God sent her at that exact moment to be an angel to me. I was in an incredibly difficult and horrible meeting and stepped out for a moment to give her something. When I walked out she saw my distress and gave me a hug {well really just held me} and told me to call her after the meeting and she was going to take me to lunch. {See what I mean about friends truly loving me and being there for me?!?!} She also told me that she had just heard this song on the radio and said that the first few lines were written for me. 

"The Glorious Unfolding"

Lay your head down tonight
Take a rest from the fight
Don’t try to figure it out
Just listen to what I’m whispering to your heart
‘Cause I know this is not
Anything like you thought
The story of your life was gonna be
And it feels like the end has started closing in on you
But it’s just not true
There’s so much of the story that’s still yet to unfold

And this is going to be a glorious unfolding
Just you wait and see and you will be amazed
You’ve just got to believe the story is so far from over
So hold on to every promise God has made to us
And watch this glorious unfolding

God’s plan from the start
For this world and your heart
Has been to show His glory and His grace
Forever revealing the depth and the beauty of
His unfailing Love
And the story has only begun

And this is going to be a glorious unfolding
Just you wait and see and you will be amazed
We’ve just got to believe the story is so far from over
So hold on to every promise God has made to us
And watch this glorious unfolding

We were made to run through fields of forever
Singing songs to our Savior and King
So let us remember this life we’re living
Is just the beginning of the beginning

Of this glorious unfolding
We will watch and see and we will be amazed
If we just keep on believing the story is so far from over
And hold on to every promise God has made to us
We’ll see the glorious unfolding

Just watch and see (unfolding)
This is just the beginning of the beginning (unfolding)

I want to appreciate this life that God has given me -- and I do. But I also need to remember that this is not my final place. This isn't where the story ends. This is just the beginning and I just need to do my best to love God and love people and train my children and glorify Him. It sounds so easy. But when I do that, I will eventually receive my final reward in Heaven. And then it will be worth it. This is certainly not how I planned my life and my story. And there is nothing in me that wants to be going through a divorce. But it is part of my story and I need to keep doing the best I can and let God use it in the way He intends to. This process is teaching me so much and one of my big lessons is that I need to keep believing and trusting and growing. And I want to use my story to help people. Somehow and someway. I clearly am no expert and I am totally babbling at this point, but if someday down the road if I can help one person who is going through this same thing, I will be glad to know that God is using me.