Bad Days

Can I just be super honest for a minute?? Today sucks. It just does. I have soooo many blessings, so much to be thankful for, and so many good parts to my days, and I don't for one second want to sound ungrateful. But today seriously just stinks.

August 1, 2004

The best day of my life. My wedding day. My marriage day. The day I pledged to love and honor my one true love. My best friend. The one who I would spend every day with for the rest of my life. So many hopes. So many dreams. And now - exactly 10 years later - I sit and cry. Bawl actually. Thinking about how all of that is shattered to pieces. I just don't even know where to go from here or how to express the thousands of emotions it seems like I am feeling. It just seems to hit me like a million knives stabbing my heart. I honestly just don't even know what to compare it to. 

Obviously this day will always be difficult, but it just seems like an extra stab with it being our tenth anniversary. I took my vows very very seriously, and I just hate being in this position. I'm surrounded by people I love, yet I am just so lonely. I know there are people who know how I feel, yet I feel like I am the only one that feels these feelings. 

I have had bad days, and I know I will continue to have them, but today just stinks. I know that there are people who think I should just pick my head up and try my best to be happy. And people who want to say things to make me feel better. But honestly, I feel like for my recovery and my healing it's ok to have bad and sad days. 

So thanks for those who are putting up with me on my bad days and for letting me have them. The most important thing to me is to know how much God loves me and how much people love me. I know and feel both of those and am so grateful for that. I would not be able to trudge through this without it.